10 Science-Backed First Date Tips To Make Things Feel Less Awkward
First dates are the worst. Or the best. It all depends. You’re trying to be charming, relaxed, interesting, funny, maybe even a bit naughty, all while doing your best not to slurp your pasta like you always do at home. The good news is that first dates can be boiled down to just a few manageable steps to make them pretty simple.
So, before you plan a five-course dinner or memorize a bunch of cheesy pick-up lines, here are 10 simple, science-backed tips that will make your first date a whole lot smoother.
Pick A Lowkey Place
The location is pretty important, but don’t overthink it. For a first date, “casual” is usually the safest move. Try a cute coffee shop, a bar, or just take a walk somewhere public. A fancy dinner might sound romantic, but it’s also a trap that will get you both stuck in a five-course meal with proper etiquette and posh vibes. It’s just unnecessary. A chill spot, on the other hand, gives you both an easy exit if you don’t click. Keep in mind that the first date is not a formal audition, so maintain a lighthearted atmosphere.
Skip The Cheesy Pick-Up Lines
Cringey pick-up lines only work in sitcoms, and even then, there’s a good chance you’ll either get lashed at or thrown water at your face. Some research studies have shown that people respond better to genuine curiosity than forced glazing or awkward jokes. So all you have to do is listen and ask questions. As an icebreaker, you can ask something like, “Who would you invite to dinner if you could choose anyone?” Or “What does your perfect day look like?” You know, something that will get you to a more specific and personal topic.
Keep The Conversation Balanced
A good convo is a lot like a game of ping-pong. That rhythm of going back and forth helps both people feel heard and almost always guarantees a fun time. If your date asks about your favorite movie or where you’d like to travel, feel free to answer, but then ask them the same thing. If they tell you something personal, don’t just jump straight into a different topic. Even something as casual as “That’s actually really cool!” can make things easier. Don’t throw them curveballs, build a connection.
Check How You Present Yourself
This is especially important if you’re using dating apps. Your profile is basically your first impression, so it helps to know what vibe you’re giving off. Ask a trusted friend to look at your profile and tell you what they think. Does it align with what you genuinely wish to convey? If not, then it’s time to update your info. You don’t need to reinvent yourself, but you do want your profile to feel like the real you.
Learn From Your Past Experiences
People come prepackaged with baggage. Sometimes it’s a past date going horribly wrong, other times it’s deeper and more personal. You can’t avoid it completely, but you can stop bringing your past failures into your present. Analyze what went wrong back then and try to be better this time. This small trick can turn bad dating experiences into useful life lessons, but only if you don’t let them define you.
Body Language Matters
Body language can significantly impact your first date experience. Try to always face your date, don’t cross your arms (that’s just rude), lean in slightly when they’re speaking, and for the love of everything that is holy, do not start texting while talking or listening. You might also want to pay attention to what their body language says. If they’re leaning away, looking around, or fiddling with their napkin, they may be bored, so try changing the topic or let them talk.
Use Gentle Mirroring
Speaking of body language, try gentle mirroring, aka “the chameleon effect.” It is all about subtly imitating gestures, body language, attitude, and all that similar stuff. You’re basically trying to match the other person’s energy without turning your date into a freak show. Match the vibes, but do not copy everything they do, like you’re mocking them, unless you want the date to end.
Face Them Fully
There’s a curious little trick called “fronting.” As the name suggests, you need to turn your whole body toward the person you’re talking to. It may sound obvious, but it makes a difference. When your torso, shoulders, and feet are facing your date, it shows attention and interest. When you’re standing at an angle like you’re ready to dip, it can make you seem checked out.
Lean In, But Respect Personal Space
Leaning in is one of the most overused tricks in the book. It can signal interest, warmth, and most importantly, attraction. Nothing says “Go on, I’m listening” like your date leaning in to hear you better. But, depending on the venue, don’t get too close. Personal space is still a thing, and leaning in too much can make you seem desperate and quite creepy. That is, unless you see your date doing the same. But in general, keep it natural, and pay attention to whether they seem comfortable.
Don’t Expect Perfect Compatibility Right Away
A first date is nothing more than a proof of concept. Do not expect to go into it and find your soulmate. Not right away, at least. Developing chemistry usually takes time and effort. That doesn’t mean you should ignore major values or obvious red flags. It just means you don’t need to reject someone because, as the saying goes, “pobody’s nerfect.” Good relationships are often built on curiosity, respect, humor, and effort. Common hobbies and perfect first-date fireworks are a nice bonus, but they aren’t a must.
Create Your Own Dating Framework
And lastly, write your own framework. When things don’t work out, we tend to jump to extreme conclusions. It’s very easy to wallow in self-pity, but one bad date is not a death sentence. Now would be a good time to ask yourself questions. What are you actually looking for? What matters most to you? What are your dealbreakers? And so on. You don’t need to change your whole personality to succeed at dating. You just need enough self-awareness to know what you want and enough flexibility to let people surprise you.